Up North Progressive

Every week, the Up North Progressive’s email inbox receives a list of bills introduced to the Michigan state legislature. This week, the Michigan House wants to make teaching Reading, Writing, and Math illegal with HB 4143. They also don’t want Michigan schools teaching Science either. The Michigan House also believes they need to tell women who work for the state what they can do with their bodies. There are the bills that deal with guns (too many to count) … and then there is the rare gem embedded in the schist. This week, that gem is House Bill 4147.

This bill, co-introduced by a long list of house reps, including Tom Hooker, Lee Chatfield, and Joel Johnson, would make it law that a public school shall ensure:

That the public school does not discriminate against a pupil or a pupil’s parent or legal guardian on the basis of religious viewpoint or religious expression.

Isn’t that already happening in public schools? But wait, there is also this:

A pupil may express his or her belief about religion in homework, artwork, and other written and oral assignments free from discrimination based on the religious content of the pupil’s submission.

That homework and classroom assignments are judged only by ordinary academic standards of substance and relevance and against other legitimate pedagogical concerns identified by the public school.

Wait, they’re not suggesting …

That a pupil or group of pupils in a public school may pray or engage in religious activities or religious expression before, during and after the school day in the same manner and to the same extent that pupils may engage in nonreligious activities or expression.

Pupils may organize prayer groups, religious clubs, see you at the pole gatherings or other religious gatherings before, during and after school to the same extent that pupils are permitted to organize other noncurricular pupil activities and groups.

Religious groups are given the same access to school facilities for assembling as is given to noncurricular groups without discrimination based on religious content …

And it goes on and on. Essentially, if a student, without discrimination, wants to pray, form a religious group, and use religious expression in their homework, they can. This bill covers everything, including jewelry and clothing, speaking at public events, providing facilities, and even school ceremonies such as graduation. The only caveat is the student can’t be vulgar, use profanity, or do anything lewd.

This is amazing, it’s incredible. This astonishing document of religious tolerance and freedom blows my mind. Let’s indulge ourselves and imagine what a typical day at school would be like if this bill had a snowball’s chance of ever becoming law.

The morning prayer at the flagpole begins when the first student group arrives. It’s become a race to be the first to pray for their deity at school. Today, the Pastafarians wear colanders on their heads and full pirate regalia. With a loud “RAMEN,” they head into the school to start their day. The Wiccan Coven, an organized school club, has just finished its quarter calls—another group. Yoga enthusiasts are in the middle of the Sun Salutation with their mats rolled out on the lawn. Christians hold hands in a circle while a group of Jewish students also pray nearby. Sufis, Sikhs, and Satanists were all around the flagpole praying.

The halls are filled with religious expression everywhere you look. There are crosses, both upright and inverted. Pentacles, both upright and inverted. Stars of David, t-shirts with the name of Allah screen printed, and the Pastafarians wear their colanders and full pirate regalia. A Scientology student wears a bracelet with the symbol showing she is “clear.” Religious expression is all the rage now at school, and the students participate because they’re protected by state law.

A Hindu student dances in a fine arts appreciation class to glorify Krishna. In English, a Pastafarian reads a poem he just wrote expressing the joy of being touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s noodly appendage. Shortly after lunch, the student body class president arrives to play the call to prayer over the PA system. Muslim students all head to a room designated for them to perform Dhuhr – the midday prayer. The bell rings, and a group of Wiccans stands outside of Chemistry class, raising a cone of power to help them pass a big exam. In Social Studies, a Satanist gives his oral presentation on the person who inspired Satanism’s core beliefs, Ayn Rand. The young Satanist provides an analysis of the Nine Satanic Statements and how they correlate to John Galt’s speech in Atlas Shrugged. That student will be class Valedictorian by the end of the week and make a speech at graduation, thanks to the new Limited Public Forum requirement included in House Bill 4147.

Friends, if there were ever a bill that needs support from the people, this is it. Please get in touch with your state rep today and let them know you want them to vote yes on House Bill 4147. Let’s make this happen; with all of the changes the state legislature wants to make to students using school to express their religious beliefs, it makes sense that they like to ban teaching all those other subjects. Who will have the time to do that?