Up North Progressive

The Up North Progressive went downstate yesterday to rub elbows with like-minded folk and talk about important things. It was wonderful meeting great people with the common purpose of doing good for Michigan. The glowing praise for the blog was appreciated, but I felt out of place with the passing of business cards. Big city customs made this simple north woods blogger feel out of place.

Plymouth, Michigan wasn’t the only place where people gathered to talk about important topics and plans for the future. Yesterday two events took place in Louisiana and Iowa where conservatives congregated to listen to speakers, watch the presidential beauty pageant primary kick off with a parade of potential candidates, and pray away the gay because our country is doomed until only white, straight, protestant patriots exist in America.

Sure, Iowa darling Mike Huckabee said endearing things like Islam is worse than the sun, attempting a rip on climate change; and Donald Trump, who isn’t really running for president, also ranted about Muslims and building a border fence. Marsha Blackburn, who as far as anyone knows isn’t running for president talked about impeachment. The main event of the entire summit of course was Sarah Palin, who gave a 40 minute speech everyone is still talking about today, and will likely be talking about for days to come.

Where does one even begin with a mess like this. After sitting through as many Sarah Palin word salads as anyone else, how is it not obvious to everyone in America that this woman is either on drugs or clinically insane. Here is just a small piece of the ear-scorching crazy:

I THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT IS SO GREAT TO BE BACK IN IOWA. WE HAVE GREAT MEMORIES HERE. MANY TRIPS THAT WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED TO TAKE HERE. THE 2008 CAMPAIGN. THEN EVEN MORE FUN, THE TEA PARTY RALLY WE HAD. THAT WAS FUN. WE HAVE HAD FRIED EVERYTHING YOUR STATE FAIR. OF COURSE, ONE YEAR THINKING THAT AFTER THE SAY ARE, I WAS GOING TO WORK SOME OF IT OFF, WE DRIVE UP TO STORM LAKE. I THINK THERE IS A HALF MARATHON GOING ON. I CAN GO INCOGNITO AND GO SEE THIS RACE. INCOGNITO. IT MEANS FOR ME NO MAKEUP.

[LAUGHTER] I’M GOING TO SCARE LITTLE CHILDREN. I AM RUNNING THE RACE AND JUMP IN THERE. I’M INCOGNITO I’M THINKING. I’M RUNNING IN PEACE. NO ONE IS TALKING POLITICS. I CAN’T TALK ANYWAY. BUT NO PRESS THERE WITH SUSPICIOUS THINKING OF THEIR SIGNALS, SHE IS IN IOWA, WHAT IS SHE DOING? THEY ARE GOOD AT SENSING WHO IS COMING, WHO IS GOING AND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF YOUR STATE. I’M RUNNING, BUT NO PRESS BUGGING ME IF

I WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OR NOT. THAT WAS THE YEAR OF THAT QUESTION. JUMPING INTO THE RACE, I’M RUNNING ACROSS THE FINISH LINE. BOOM, THEIR IM ACCUSED OF RUNNING THE RACE FOR POLITICAL PURPOSES. I FIND OUT THAT OK, I’M IN IOWA, THE RACE HAPPENED TO BE CALLED THE JUMP RIGHT IN AND RUN RACE. I GOT A MEDAL. THE PRESS IS LIKE YOU ORCHESTRATED THAT. I’M LIKE OH YEAH, ASKED TODD. ANYWAY. MY BEST MEMORIES ARE OF THE WONDERFUL FRIENDS WE HAVE MADE HERE, GOOD PEOPLE, HARD WORKERS WITH LOVE FOR THIS GREAT COUNTRY. THEY SHOW YOUR WORK ATHLETIC — WORK ETHIC. EVEN DRIVING BY YOUR HOMES WITH FLAGS WAVING ON THE FRONT PORCHES, ON ANY GIVEN NIGHT I THINK A LOT OF YOU MAY BE FOUND OUT THERE ON YOUR PORCHES CLINGING TO YOUR GUNS, YOUR GOD, YOUR CONSTITUTION. IT IS BECAUSE OF THAT, BECAUSE OF YOU THE REST OF THE COUNTRY KNOWS THIS PART OF AMERICA AS THE HEARTLAND. LAST TIME I WAS HERE TO CAMPAIGN, IT WAS FOR ONE OF THOSE FRIENDS WHOM WE HAVE MADE, AND YOU KNOW HER, THE SOLDIER, THE FARMER, A GOOD NEIGHBOR, AND BACK THEN I CALLED HER A PISTOL PACKING HARLEY RIDING MAMA GRIZZLY. NOW I AM THRILLED TO CALL HER YOUR SENATOR, JONI ERNST.

Yes, there was a prepared speech but Sarah didn’t stick to it, and apparently never does based on past performances. Shortly after “Thank you so much,” she stopped following the script and let the free-form performance fly. The media today of course is collectively pointing their finger at this mess of words and laughing, but there needs to be at some point a conversation about this woman’s mental integrity and that there are people in this country who think putting her butt in the Oval Office is a good idea.

So here is the question for everyone to consider: Is there anyone else in the world who opens their mouth and makes about as much sense?

Except maybe he knows what he’s doing when he speaks in public.