Up North Progressive

• Now that our anti-war treaty with Rome has expired, Carthage can muster an army and fight off these Numidians for good! Thank goodness Rome will leave us alone now that the debt is paid …

• Queen Olga of Kyiv burned alive 20 of our best men in a sauna for revenge after we murdered her husband, and then she invited us to her husband’s funeral and slaughtered 5,000 of our people, but this time she promises she wants peace! All we have to do is send her some birds …

• Harold of Wessex swore an oath to support me as heir to the English throne. It is good that I have such a trustworthy ally in England and will never undermine my authority or right of succession …

• What’s that? The entire Swedish Army is preparing to attack Prague? Don’t be ridiculous! The Swedish are in Westphalia with the French and Holy Rome negotiating peace. The war is finally over …

• Now that we have made this treaty with the white men and they have promised us our hunting lands forever, the Lakota and Cheyenne will live in peace and harmony and never have to worry about greedy prospectors coming to The Black Hills looking for gold …

• He lied to us every chance he got, raised taxes on poor people and old people, made right to work for less law after he said he wouldn’t, assigned Detroit an emergency manager after he said he wouldn’t, promised to be a moderate then took a hard right conservative stance and signed almost everything the tea party-infested state legislature wanted … but we should trust him with another four years if he promises to be nicer and not lie to us this time …
  

Really? If Snyder promises things will get better, we should give him a second chance? Is this a joke? Sadly, it is not. The Detroit Free Press today endorsed the Nerd for four more years. This is after they listed every terrible thing he did while Governor and suggested that if they give him the paper’s endorsement, that he really should consider being nicer to everyone; not just his rich friends and the DeVos family who write all the checks.

So while the Republicans laugh it up about a “liberal” paper endorsing their candidate, keep in mind the Detroit Free Press and the Detroit News are owned by the same company. The media are as liberal as the Republicans who own them.

Mark Schauer has the endorsement of Up North Progressive, and my vote. He is the right choice for Michigan and deserves your vote too.